An Episode...BPD

Thoughts,

So many thoughts.

Look around, 

Oh no. 

I have to get home. 

Thoughts, 

They never leave. 

Good thoughts, good thoughts go away.

Bad thoughts, bad thoughts here to stay.

Why am I not enough? 

Pretty? 

No. 

Skinny? 

No.

Good?

Yes. 

No.

I take a shower, 

I take some blood. 

It’s okay, I’m done.

Please, I can’t go on any longer.

I thought that I was stronger. 

 

Crying on the couch,

It’s okay to let it out.

But it just won’t quit.

Wait, what was that?

 

No. 

It isn’t there.

It’s just a hair. 

That’s funny.

So funny.

Haha...hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Over and over until there’s no more.

Wait. Why am I laughing? 

I’m not.

Not anymore.

 

Now I feel nothing.

So sad one minute,

So happy the next,

And then it hits me like a ton of bricks. So...empty, it’s pathetic.

I could really use a medic.

 

Tell me, 

What is it and what is me?

Because I’m falling to my knees.

 

I’m not this girl,

I’m not this small. 

Help someone help me.

Please.

 

Good thoughts, good thoughts don’t leave me again.

Bad thoughts, bad thoughts you were never my friend. 

But I’ll hold you close and dear, for you never know when the time will come to let you sneer. 

 

I’m safe.

I’m home.

But am I really secure when my own mind needs a cure? 

 

 

hh

This poem is about: 
Me

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