I was raised perfectly with nothing wrong,

My life was happy and full of song,

And laughter and dance,

And everything grand

So I had no right to complain.

I had no right to be in pain.

Because all that anyone could see

Was this wonderful and joyous me

But somewhere in my mind I heard a voice say

“You are not enough.”

Soon all my smiles became fake

And there were lies I learned to make

Up and hide behind makeup

So no one could see

The ugly that was the real me.

And you told me “just snap out of it!”

Because I was not the person that would fit

Into your perfect and ideal world,

Because I was not the ideal girl.

And you said you had seen enough.

But what you don’t see and don’t understand,

As you stand next to me holding my hand,

Is beneath my sleeves

Are wrists that bleed

From a heart that’s already gone.

And you say “I love you” like you think you know

How to fix a wound made years ago

With empty words void of proof,

But I can tell you that the truth

Is I don’t even want your help.

I’d rather do this by myself

Than risk being hurt by someone else;

I’d rather be alone.

So I stand here and apologize,

And turn my face from shame, and hide,

because no matter how many times I try

I’m just. Not. Enough.

Not good enough

Not smart enough

Not pretty enough

Not thin enough

Not talented enough

Not sexy enough

But for what? I don’t even know.

They’re things I’ve told myself for years;

Embedded in my mind, they trigger fears

And anxiety and insecurities

About things I know I can’t be

Because of what I am

And what I am is not good enough

And you can try to talk it out of me

With rehearsed lines and therapy

And say you care,

Say you’re there

But it’s like gasping for air

While submerged in water; not possible

And not worth trying

I am not enough.

So when that day finally comes

And I’m finally gone

Don’t ask what was wrong.

Don’t cover it up with lies of how you loved me,

Don’t cover it up with lies of how you’ll miss me,

‘Cause the truth is you didn’t,

You won’t.

Because I was not enough.