Elimination of Pronunciation Agitation


I would change the quirks in the English language

so the pronunciation, instead of like “hammer” and “anger,”

of “clamour” was more like “contour,” “detour,” and “downpour.”

I’d make “air” sound different from “heir” and “ere,”

and say bye to “buy” being like “by,” and a world where we

would no longer cringe at the misuse of “their,” “there,” and “they’re!”


While we think we know our language through,

why do we stutter when we say "enough," "plough," and "though?"

We try not to say “cough” in “hiccough,”

even though “dough” rhymes with “go” and “snow.”

Let’s end the struggle of trying to say “tomb,” “bomb,” “comb,” and “womb.”

Let’s not be hounded by how we say “founded,” “rounded,” and “wounded!”


Remember to never shed a tear when your new jeans tear

even though “tear” sounds just like “gear” but sometimes “hair.”

Don’t catch a fever from the deceiver “ever.”

Who's to say that rhymes with “Neither?”

Is “seizure” more like “neither?” or is a fiver like “neither?”

Really, it could be either or either.


There is a lot to change of these odd little laws,

But the English Language has one thing right because

we made claws sound like clause and paws like pause

solely so we can joke for an applause:

See, a cat will have claws at the end of its paws

while a comma will have a pause at the end of its clause.



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