do you miss me?

the way we laid together

pressed together so our souls could touch

breath in sync

no thoughts except for

the closeness of our bodies

and calories

 

how little do you have to weigh to be underweight

did I eat more than you at dinner?

split cans of soup

pacing constantly or else you would die, “like a shark”

halo top on my kitchen floor

always touching

your leg on mine

rocking back and forth

the light of your fitness watch our only guidelines 

 

i know it was sick of us

to love another so ill

simply resting in the wreckage of our minds

but i found comfort in the debris

and you found comfort in me

so we sat intertwined

in the house i built of scraps

until you got bored

and i grew bitter

 

you moved on fast

like we never happened

first it was him

then her

him

her

your fancy art school friends

and i was left alone in the aftermath

suddenly it wasn't as comforting as i thought

the debris turned rough and sharp

leaving me bloodied and bruised

its okay though 

wouldn't be the first time

blood under my nails

bandaids in my pocket

scars on my legs

 

i know its not your fault

your lack of empathy 

lack of trust

it was ingrained in you 

so i can't be mad

i could never be mad at you

because its not your fault

it never was