Dear Dad,

 

It doesn’t matter how you tell me

It doesn’t matter what you tell me

It doesn’t matter how much you tell me

 

My mind,

just doesn’t work that way

 

So even though you’ll never understand

And you think I’m not trying hard enough

I, at least, have to explain

 

Why your words, at times, fail to reach me

Why I can’t just do what you ask

 

When you ask me,

Why can’t you just think positively?

 

The reason?

 

Because,

my distorted self won’t let me

 

You can’t hear it

You can’t see it

 

But I can hear it

I can see it

 

It feeds off of my anger

It feeds off of my sadness

It feeds off of my failures

 

It tells me I’m useless

It tells me I’m worthless

It tells me I’m a failure

 

Nobody wants me

Nobody needs me

...

It can lay dormant for weeks

...

Then,

It comes unexpectedly

And,

It comes with a vengeance

 

It punishes me,

For thinking that I am of value

For thinking that I am of worth

For thinking that I am deserving

...

It will always be there

 

And,

It’s a struggle that I have to endure

 

Like I said before,

There are weeks when I win

 

But,

There are days when I lose

 

And,

It’s on those days

 

When I lose the battle

 

That I need someone to comfort me the most

 

When my distorted self comes to torture me

When it “reminds me” that,

My flaws are significant

My compassion is a sign of weakness

My failures are a sign of my worthlessness

 

I don’t need someone to tell me,

Just think positively

 

I need someone to simply remind me,

You are loved

You are worthy

You are strong

You are beautiful

You are needed

 

Those words,

Are all I need from you

 

With love,

Your daughter