Up Diggin' The Past To Apologize

Thu, 12/25/2014 - 01:58 -- Soulae

I’m looking back…. maybe I shouldn’t do that, look at my past, the relationship, me and him had, my first, not first love, the first time my heart fell for someone but didn’t make it all the way to my heart, opening my soul to unlock the parts, the reality I owned, I knew, so blossomed, growing, true loving, never got there, puppy love it was, obsession with infatuation almost love, but issues I had, I couldn’t stay, immature internally, always yearned for better, thought better was better, but I didn’t know any better, all I knew was Jay-Z in my ear, moving on to the next one, but he was hurt, me too, he hurt me first, I returned the favor nonchalantly like the meaning of him to me had no definition, I left him without an explanation, left him broken to pick up the pieces of the puzzle that he had left, which was none cause I smiled like he never existed and was just a friend with benefits, an ego grew in my stomach, why settle when I can be with someone else, I can have anybody, humiliation he caused upon me, cheated on I experienced, turned me into a good girl gone bad, my heart turned numb as if it wasn’t already, worsen it became, I blamed him, 17 I was, didn’t know the damage I caused adding on to his pain he brung upon, he was my first almost love, I almost cried when I heard what he done, I almost stayed when I went back to him, I almost weakened but wait… I was weak cause I didn’t deal with my feelings, pushed em to the side like I never felt them, but I’m not almost sorry, I actually am, I was young and disconnected from my vains, not coming out of my skin, showing any color, making organ textures that I never received, 21 now and he does deserve an apology, I see and I am sorry.. you live and you learn, I had to live so I could learn how hurt people, do hurt people, sad saying I was one, but my eyes see maturely now correcting, trying to correct the mistakes of a wreck I was within, I’m sorry, okay I’m done reminiscing checking the box off of the past I dug, back to the present.


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