Destructive Habits

Isn’t it ironic, the way the world turns? The way that everyone around you seems to care but really doesn’t. Even the people in your own household don’t care. 
As I hear the police engine run it makes me wonder ifall this is a dream. The look on his face as he stares at me from the police window all bore up like some kind of animal. Little do they know that he is a boy, interrupted. 
They treat him like another criminal…which he is, but, not in a sense. He needs love and protection some say. He needs ruff treatment and left in isolation say others. Maybe this is just a slap in the face for all we’ve done. “Get up and join the navy!”that’s all he has been hearing. I knew he would rebel, I mean who wouldn’t with a harsh voice like that.
As the last police leave the scene all seems well again. No one walking there dog can see the turmoil that has just happen, or the scared girl inside the pretty looking house. Even the dogs can sense that something is wrong. Once they see their owner whom they care about weeping smoking a cigarette. Birds still chirp and wind still blows. 
As I watch that face of his stare into mine I cant think. His eyes are so scared and his face so worried that they will leave wrinkles forever of this moment. As he stares in my eyes I know what he would say to me. “Don’t take after me, don’t do this Emily. Don’t do drugs, don’t smoke, don’t steal, work hard, stay in school for as long as you can.” He wants me to be the old him, he wants me to live as he would have if he didn’t make those choices. I cant do that even though I wish I could. I have been scared and bruised by the yelling and fighting that he has caused. 
Five police cars, five cops all in a circle discussing the current events taking place. Does it take five? Honestly, I don’t think he deserves that. He doesn’t deserve this live he has led. He can’t handle jail he’s to fragile. His eyes pierced into me like knives. I felt the pain and loneliness he will be going through soon. I can’t even look into his dogs eyes because he knows all to well that he’s not coming home. Those eyes are probably the worst out of us all. 
I want to speak to him; I wish I actually had spirit speech to ask his soul to stop. They will shove god down his throat. Make him believe that there is a better purpose for him. There is a better purpose but its not in a fake god, Its in his soul. Red takes over the soul where it should be white. He puts his head down as my hands go over my mouth. Tears swell inside my eyes and I fell him saying, “don’t watch this please” but I have to. I have to know what happens to a love of mine, to a part of me that floats around the world. He looks back at the circle of cops talking about their next break most likely. Wondering “please can we just go, I don’t want to stay in front of this house with broken dreams and the house I robbed.” 
He sees his dog staring out the window at all the raucous that is going on. They meet eyes… it’s the most heart-breaking thing that someone can inure. I felt my heart literally breaking. I thought I had felt heartbreak before but it was nothing compared to this. “If only I had woken up, if only I went to go check on him. Oh fuck if only…” runs through my head. I was laying down playing on my phone when the bathroom light went on. “He finally got up! Maybe now he will take his friend to go out or go see what kind of future he can get. Possibly get drugs in the mean time.” The light goes off, our father left the house, I hear the door close, and He’s gone.....


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