the dark heavy sinking feeling spins and twirls inside of me. it encases my insides, coating everything within its reach. it swells inside me and I can feel it grow and pound against the inside of my body, restless to get out. I can feel it slowly migrating north, closer and closer to my mouth, wanting to be let out as a scream. the only way to let it out is to scream. scream loud and long and hard. scream until nothing is left to come out of me, until the pressure behind my eyes relents and backs down. it spins around and around in my lower abdomen, threatening to rush up at any moment. waiting, begging, for the smallest of triggers, a key to the door keeping it in place. this is my sadness, this is my fears, this is my loneliness, this is my depression. this is what I feel.