Delusion of Death

My feet hang down, warmed by the freezing water

My soles brushing the pebbles that cover the bottom

It feels as though the water is trying to drag my body away

Away from the life that I cling to with graying hands and fingers that I can’t even uncurl anymore

Nothing here is warm anymore- maybe it never was in the first place

Water clear and cold and impossible to fight

Dark liquid drops into the water rushing past

Drops of blood soil the water, sink to the bottom and get carried away

Streaming blood like tears- it draws dark lines down my cheeks, what is left of my eyes

I can’t see anymore- maybe I never could in the first place

My throat is sore from screaming, raw from crying

I have lost track of how long I have been here

I think I knew once, in the beginning, before I realized

That all the screaming and crying and begging was useless

No one is going to help me anymore- maybe they never were going to in the first place

The water crashes against the slab my body is thrown over, warm against my skin

I know that it is not warm

It is simply warmer than I am

It continues to move while I cannot even manage to draw my legs up to my chest as I shiver in both cold and fear

Nothing can live here anymore- maybe nothing ever could in the first place

I can’t see a thing

I can hear only the water

All I feel is cold pricking every inch of skin I posses and some that is not even mine

I wonder is now is when I die

I wonder if I am already dead

Nothing makes sense anymore. Maybe it never did.



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