I’m going through my phone

It’s been close to a year since that day

When I lost the one I loved the most

But for some reason their face pops up everywhere

 

Change is funny in that way

They changed so much

But I still haven’t budged

From who they made me.

 

Is that a bad thing?

They changed, maybe I should too

Maybe that will make me better

I ought to change, to make things better

 

It’s not like it’s permanent

Like I won’t see them again

So what’s the rush in deleting

The memories of happiness and trust

 

This phase will end soon

Everything will go back to normal

And I’m a forgiving person

I did so much for them they’re sure to take me back

 

But I know this is just a fantasy

This thing I tell myself

Just to keep going

Just to say everything is fine

 

I’m sorry I’m starting to sound like Christina Perry

With all the please come back

Who do you think you are pain blah blah blah

 

But my pain is my pain

It’s not some gambit I use for profit

It’s not a tool to get fame

And shame on those who use that

 

Pain is a funny thing.

It doesn’t present itself right away

It makes you think you’re fine

When you’re really not

 

It tricks you into submission

Submitting to doubt

Submitting to insecurity

When really you’re submitting to the pain

 

All you want to do is scream

Make it stop

End it

And it will show you ways to

 

But you must fight

It’s not the right direction

You can’t turn back time

You can’t resort to further torment

You can’t change what has already happened.

 

Fight.

Fight for what you love

Because when you submit to the pain

You lose everything

 

Change really is a funny thing

Seeing change in someone is hard

But it’s even harder not to change

When all you want to do is forget

 

Adapt.

Change.

Grow.

That is the only way to become who you’re supposed to be.

 

Looking at those pictures

It brings me back to a horrible time

The goodness and trust is now gone from those memories

It’s time to let it go

It’s time to change.

 

Delete.