Death before dishonor feelings of dreppression

Today I awoke to suicidal feelings and those of self worthlessness…
Where does this come from?
I know ask questions how did my life get twisted right side up…
Misery has set in, along with the Awaking today

Today I awoke finally got a lil sleep ...
I awoke with this feeling ...
That of emptiness beyond belief...
I told you before my life was in ruins...
I thought it couldn't get worse dam I'm so foolish...
For the master of the house cometh and his judgment that right soon...
That he has laid his hand of righteousness upon me...
With gloryess vengens he has struck down upon me...
My life is over how mad can one be...
Today there is no sunshine no birds in the trees ...
I see nothing but flames of fire all around me...
And I thought I was bad before ...
Who'd had known what more pain there was in store...
I believed he would bless me some day...
Mabey forgive me and she'd some sunlight upon my lonesome grave ...
Today I awoke wish I did not ...
Everything is different...
My everything is gone...
Tho she'll probably never know how much I care ...
The difference in my life now that shes not here ...
I dont know what it is I did ,to deserve such a punishment...
But obviously I deserve it how angry can one be ...
Flames all around me ,scouring my entire flesh ...
The body withers, but my lonesome heart will get no rest...
This place I'm in,I dont know how I got here dont remember at all...
But there's nothing left to save of me...
The lord has taken it all...
I've asked for forgiveness time and time again...
But like the sand In a hour glass truly their not my friend...
Time was against us, as it states it was only a matter of time...
So I see death has caught up to us...
And so have the hands of time...
I wish I could say I lived a good life...
That I accomplished all my dreams...
But I'd only be lying...
Today ,today I awoke with a broken soul...
A heart that may never mend and never love again...
For now truly is my life is in ruins ...
I really have nothing to live for ...
I'm sorry that I brought you down this road I'm sorry that I drug you down with me into this dark abyss...
I should have stayed away when i left before back then you still had a chance to live...
But you made the wrong choice...
I would trade places with you with out thinking twice ...
Your punishment comes to you with a heavy price...
It should have been mine to take ,but it's been done this way in spite...
Today I awoke and felt real misery, real regret,and had an epiphany...
Disastrous thoughts and feelings are plaguing me now...
The end is here no turning back now ...
So I have a choice to make...
Do I leave this world without a struggle without a fight...
Or should I become the son the lord has treated me like ...
And destroy all I can before I go see how many bitch ass cops and their families I can destroy...
Decisions, decisions what road do I choose...
I guess it doesnt really matter as the lord has left me with nothing to lose ...
For I am now outside myself ,and head no feelings except those of the burning flames that burn and surround me ...
This is how you have showed that you love me lord...
I think I'd rather have you hate me how much worse could things be...
I've lost everything...
Now all I do is bleed, these tears of misery...
Today I awoke wishing I was dead...
I dont know why I came to work...
I have no motivation at all...
My dreams have been shattered, our plans for a future have been revoked...
Sentenced to a life of misey...
While slowly dying inside...
But however it is that we should go we will do it together because I love you so...
So stop asking me to go my own way when we got married I told you forever until my grave...
So I'm here my love desperately waiting...
Hoping and even praying that God may hear and forgive me...
I hold on to the hope that he may bring you back to me...
That's all we have left is hope and a prayer in the wind...

I miss you baby ,I will always be your ride or die...together we started together we'll be and together we will leave...love you forever until our graves.
that’s embedded within…
Many have walked the path in on many have failed and have moved on…
Ones strength is tested in ways unimaginable to the human mind…
Left with bitter thoughts of the loved ones that would Be left behind…
Unkind is the system, to destroy a person’s life…
They cant see beyond the criminal standing before them in regret even at times crying…
But there is more than the criminal who will be affected…
By their discussion…
Many will suffer and do the sentence right along with them…
Madness comes to one in despair…
Looking at all of this as just plain old not fair…
I took a step back today and saw the big pucture…
I’m falling apart more and more with everyday I’m not with her…
My heart screams out in pain and agony…
Saddend by what I find in front of me…
A life ,not the best but at one time was yet so lovely…
A life that once had smiles and laughter dying in front of me …
Before my very eyes ,it has been destroyed…
Sadly I too am to blame for not stopping it sooner…
So I must live with whatever punishment is handed down …
And when you see me know that I’m crying these tears of a clown…
Who rather than to make things right…
Decided to stay quite and join in on the ride…
Like I said misery has set in along with loneliness..
Feelings of self worthlessness…
Depresses with every passing moment…
Heart crushed ,it was I who disowned it…
It’s a terrible thing to live in fear…
One could chose hate or anger…
But how angry could one be…
Destruction was in the balance and yet you did nothing…
It was all so simple you see ,but it’s too late for me …
I don’t like the place that I’m in…
I’m tired of the late night terrors, that come and haunt me…
Even if I was to choose anger…
Chances of my survival are but a dream…
Mistakes ,mistakes that one makes can be costly…
Sometimes you just cant get away from them…
And when they come to charge for what you have done…
You can stand your ground as a man or turn like a coward and run…
I have always lived by the saying death before dishonor.
Live by the sword die by the sword and into the unknown is where I must go….
Prepard for battle I grasp to the little bit of hope