Proven divine, your soul glows like gold
under glistening sunlight; its own halo that just doesn’t
happen to gleam right.
I’ve stayed awake for you until my eyes have burned
and the sun has turned
and affection, I have earned.
Concern isn’t in your dictionary and
that I have confirmed,
conformed and learned.
With my fixation, you have the power, to be forthright,
to ground me or to take flight.
It would be so easy to abuse right
and I would be of no use, in fright,
not when I’m stuck thinking through
what I’ve done, true and untrue,
And I’ve come to realize,
I’m helplessly yours, much to my delight.
You hold the power, and I’m balancing on a blade wrapped around your head
and my feet are getting shredded, but I risk it for you;
because for you I am indebted, until the end of time.
It burns as it slices and red meets gold face
And with heavy guilt and mistakes, I don’t trust
the line that you cast out to catch me.
A well worn cord that can be seen seconds from failing.
And this repertoire of our relationship
Really isn’t fixing it.
And as I bite myself to silence the pain
as I’m cut, twelfth night and thirteenth again.
And all you can do is shrug, but
I am begging for you to call for help
Because I’d never burden you, no, not for myself
When you’re sitting right there with a phone
And I know you have the power because you’ve shown me
when we were alone, and never to someone else,
My hands are shaking
and this burning feeling is aching
It has to be a series of accidents, just a coincidence.
I care for myself most of these days.
It’s easy but it's hard
And I never tell you this burden, I’ll keep it close to my heart.
What am I supposed to do
When it hurts so much I can barely speak
And my brain is so blank that I barely eat?