Dear MUM
Dear Mum:
There's so much I need to say , not sure how to do it but I'll start here.
I love you with every bone in my body. You're my forever friend.
I would die for you without thinking twice.
I just don't seem to see you willing to do the same sacrifce for me.
It's always your way or no way at all. I don't know if I'm allowed to be myself.
I am trying to figure out where it all went wrong.
You see Mum , I'm upset with you.
You showed me a side of you that makes me scared but at the same time I lost respect for you.
The lifestlye you have is not fit for me. I can't put myself in that mess.
The way you living is breaking my heart. The way you change when you pick up that bottle.
It really scares me so much , I am fearing for your soul.
Sad part is , you just don't see it.
I don't know how to warn you before it's too late.
You going to lose me. I don't want to see you like this , it's too heart sore.
Come back to us Mum.
Who broke you ? Is there something you not telling us ?
I don't know you anymore , this isn't you.
The fighting needs to stop , the thrill for more is getting to you.
Are we not enough for you ?
Sometimes I think you don't really want kids anymore.
Whenever we talk I feel the discomfort , I feel the mixed feelings.
Are we just doing this because we obligated too ?
I don't have a voice when you around , I am so afraid of disapointing you but you've been dissapointing me.
I feel good some days but then I feel bad most days.
Out fear I just joked about all your mistakes but sitting here now I am beyond dissapointed in your actions.
I'm a respectful daughter , I listen and I never gave you a lot of trouble.
I played mother for a while remember ? I never resinsted you for that ever. I was happy to do it for you.
While you were finding yourself but this person you found is not the person we know.
I don't know what happened a long the way.
Do you hate me for choosing him over you ?
Could that be the reason we going through all this ?
Did I abandon you ?
I thought it's everyone for themselves. I did everything for you ! More then any child/friend would.
In the end nothing I do for myself makes you proud.
Do I dissapoint you ?
Part of me just wants to forget everything but I have this heavy feeling on my chess.
I need to let it go for my wellbeing.
Sitting in coffee shop trying not to let the tears pour.
I hope I find the strength to do this face to face.
I am trying my best out here in this world. Each for their own so it seems.
So since I am grown and well alone.
I will do this on my own.
Sincerely
Aamirah YOUR DAUGHTER.