Dear Jonghyun, 

On nights when I couldn't sleep,

Under a breathless whisper

You told me you couldn't understand.

Wrapped in blankets, holding me close

Eyes fluttering shut, I fell asleep to your voice telling me,

"It'll be alright."

Little did I know...

As tired eyes greeted the gloomy sky

You had left my side

Leaving a broken trail 

It started with a mumble, then a whimper, then a wail.

You told me you didn't understand!

You told me everything was going to be alright!

That you'd be there to hold me until the shattered pieces melded together again!

I saw the signs, yet I did nothing

With hands tied behind my back

I could only watch you from afar

praying to some higher being 

that you'll be okay without me

I never knew what it was like 

For the world to slow down and have my chest caving in,

crushing every sign of hope and comfort that you once gave

I never knew

that losing you, would be losing myself.

And as I read your letter...

You told me not to cry

But I did, I cried myself to sleep for days and nights

My mind, stuck on what you wanted from me

Four words...Four. Words.

If only I could go back

If I said those words, would things be different?

I know I'm late.

But I want you to know,

"You did well, Jongyun."

Sincerely, Shawols