It’s been a while since we’ve been acquainted.

I think about you when I’m watching turned backs instead of faces

The refreshing feeling of venting to blank paper

And aching fingers. Being able to relieve the pressure built in my brain.

 

I think about you when people poke new wounds into old scars.

When people only notice when I’m gone

But I’m never good enough to remember when I’m around.

 

I think about you when I’m the most self-conscious.

When I look in the mirror and see a reflection

Only to proclaim that I don’t want to be the person staring back.

 

I think about you when my mind is screaming for help.

When I’m the most self-deprecating

Thinking laughter is the only way for me to stop crying.

 

But don’t worry-

Since I’ve taken a break

It hasn’t all been bad.

I finally know what it feels like to have someone-

To make me less

Self-conscious

Anxious

Alone

 

It’s not easy, especially without you around.

I accept that in life there are ups,

But for those torrent downs

 

I’ll be sure to pick up the pen.