I hold on to you like a best friend, a counselor, a lover. Embracing every ounce of you as if you are the ying to my yang. Feeling as if I cannot live without you. All this time you have been invading me like a parasite. Taking control of me. Making me numb to myself. You hold me back from reaching my potential, squeezing every ounce of hope that I have to becoming something great. Every moment I spend with you leaves me feeling even more inadequate than before. I question every motive, every thought, and every word. Even happiness doesn’t look the same. Instead of embracing it I run, no sprint from it. You leave me restless every night. I no longer want to make choices for fear of making the wrong choice, but now I realize that not making a choice is a choice in and of itself, and that scares me even more. But I wonder.
Oh I wonder, how life would be without you. Would I wake up every day feeling stronger than before? Will I prove everything that you have told me wrong? Not being afraid to be by myself is teaching me that I am a beautiful person inside and out, there will always be something to improve on but that is the beauty of being me. Opening my heart up to Love has taught me that there are genuine people in this world who honestly do care and will take care of my heart as if it were their own. More importantly is making mistakes. I used to be afraid of making a huge mistake but I have learned “The greatest mistake “I” can make in life is to be continuously fearing “I” will make one” Elbert Hubbard.
Fear, I no longer need you in my life. This abusive relationship has lasted too long and it is finally time for you to leave. You will no longer hold me back from succeeding in life. I may not know what life has in store for me but I refuse to let you hold me back from the gift of discovering it. It is ok to not know everything, or to not be in control. Fear, I am taking a leap of faith and you are not invited. EVER. I will walk this path with my head held high. When I fall, which I know I will, I will just get back up even stronger than before. Learning every step of the way is the beauty of the journey.
Ps. Yes I know about you being involved with other people while you were with me and I will be sure to let them know what life could be without you in their world.