Dear father

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 23:08 -- Hilda

Dear father,

It was all smiles and laughs. But as always it's too good to be true. My childhood innocence had me blind. You were my role model. You always made me laugh, and the times I'd mess with you when I would poke your ribs and I would run away laughing. I was just living a lie.

Years went by and I was slowly growing out of my childhood, finally the blind fold fell off. You weren't the role model I should have chosen. You were the bad influence all along. When I realized your wrongs, that you didn't want to correct or accept, you were no longer my blood. Yeah, you're my biological father but I don't consider you anything.

You're just the man that showed me hell at first hand. As I realized your problems with my mother and all the hurtful insults you said to her, I could no longer call you "dad." Day after day you had something new to attack my mother with, with false accusations. Your control issues, jealousy and your poor decisions lead you to believe she was cheating on you. When in reality you can actually be the one cheating, and your guilt is eating you up so you try to blame her for your wrong doings.

Honestly I hate coming home. Hearing your voice, your laugh and seeing your face is my worst nightmare. I live this torture day after day. I don't want any sort of interaction with you; I can't even speak to you. Years ago we adapted to passing each other in the house, and not saying a word to one another; unless my mom would make me ask you for permission to go out, which is why I never go out. You raised me in like a jail cell, and didn't let me interact with friends. I'm so use to it , now that you let me go out, I don't even like going out.

I've tried to convince my mom to leave you for her own good, my brother’s and mine. But she’s too sacred of what you would do. You’ve dominated her courage; she’s no longer the woman I use to know. The fighter that didn’t back down from anything. I’ve gained her courage now. I’m not afraid of you. I don’t care what you do to me, but don’t dare lay a finger on my mother. Trust me I’m a fearless warrior. Just like my name, Hilda signifies “battle maiden.”  I will fight to death for my mother.

I feel bad for my little brother, he's slowly falling into your footsteps and he's drowning, I can't save him unless you leave our lives. I don't want him to be a replica of you once he grows up, that'd just break my heart. It's your fault I'm sacred to be in a relationship. Most of the guys today are just like you, they make the same bad choices are controlling and or jealous. You've sacred me away from marriage and relationships and I thank you for that, now I won't end up in hell for the rest of my life like my poor mother. I need freedom from you; I can't stand living in the same house with you anymore. I feel like I am close to my breaking point, I’ve been strong for too long, but every fearless warrior has an end. The only reason I hold myself together is for my mother, if it wasn’t for her I’d be gone.

My only escape is college; I could at least save myself from this hell. I tried my best to save my mother, but it's been impossible. I promise I will come back for her, and give her a better life and treat her like a queen, like you never did. You're not a father, you’re not man. You even dared to call me the devil for helping my mother out of your hell, but it’s okay because your words have no effect on me, I brush them off because you don't matter in my life. I'm glad I turned out for the better, and I'm a strong young woman so I can help my mother succeed once I graduated from college.


A child without a dad


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