Dear Depression

Dear Depression, the oblivion and confusion that you have caused has led me to putting my entire life on pause. The dark unknown and pit of despair, makes me scream internally, and adheres to the axiom that “Life’s not fair”. My once wishes and dreams are now fleeting memories. But I will not let my past break me. I am no longer held captive by you, you see; I have the key. The memories that you have buried were for my own good. He took advantage of me just because he could. You’ve repressed the memory of his hands on me. Because it used to hurt when that was all I could see. A rag doll I will never be again. Toy with me, he never can. Because I am a strong independent woman. And I will be damned, if I ever succumb to a man. Sometimes a switch flips; I internalize, and I miss those special moments, those moments of bliss. I shut down and retreat into a dark place, a dark pit. The light, I cannot see, until she pulls me from my trench of self-induced misery. My identity I wish to find. Without it, I feel blind, like I’m losing my mind. Reality is often too unkind, when she tries to remind me that I am not the one confined. I am inclined to now rewind and unwind the bind that I have formulated and assigned, to myself; I will come out stronger and never look behind. The person who I am now, is not who I was once. I no longer wear a frown, because I know that I wear a crown. And I am loved; my past can never change that fact. Weeks turned into months and months into years. But now, I have overcome my fears.  

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If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741