Dear Catdog in my brain,
You have cause me a lot of pain
You are obsessive-compulsive disorder
But in order to cope
I gave you a nickname
Catdog, you compress my lungs
Curling up and making home
Scratching and clawing
Right in the anatomy that allows me to breathe
Catdog you manifest yourself on my hands
Underneath my fingernails
On my skin
As germs that try to harm me
You appear on light switches
Hair dryers and straighteners
And in my head as the fear of fire
You make me afraid that I have done something
To people that I love
You make me relive moments
That most people see as insignificant
You are the Harry Potter time turner
Cursing me in a time cycle of fears
You puppy face is sweet and fluffy
Your kitten one cunning and limber
But both, Catdog,
Turn to lions and wolves
Your inner beast scavenges the food
That my happy brain
Normally lives on
Starved of happiness and comfort
My brain it screeches and
Sets a trap
Catdog, you deem it a poacher
But my brain only tries to protect
You lie Catdog!
You tell me two things at once
And my brain can’t decide which is true
Or if either is at all…
You are the angel and devil
You are emotions and reason
Which is the angel and which is the devil
That is up to you to decide
But my brain can’t make up its mind
You are identical twins that change faces
You are the phantom of the opera with a hauntingly beautiful voice
With hidden one-sided horror
My inner Christine can’t help but to be lured in
But you are an animal!
You are scary!
You are weird!
You haunt me!
You are an impossible creature!
How can a creature be both a cat, and a dog?
How can my brain be both reasonable and insane?
You are both a slapstick comedy
And a haunting nightmare
You aren’t real
But when my brain can’t differentiate reality
I start to wonder if you could be
This is the cycle, Catdog.
I’m hoping one day you will release me.