Dear Adreinne Rich,

As a child a clasped white knuckles together in an attempt to will god into being good.

the soap on my eyelids smelled like vanilla

do you ever think about the skin underneath.

how does heaven taste.

does it sting like minty toothpaste in my mouth,

do I have to feel pain to feel clean

 

Today, someone elses god came to tell me

the way a girl

like me

should feel,

and who a girl

like me 

should pray to. 

 

Adrienne, I think God learned geometry and 

felt a burning in his skull

to craft 

a sphere

inside blue water

and submerge

bugs and soil and salt in it all

it was camp,

arts and crafts,

a temper tantrum with big hands

 

What if there was no why behind the leaves changing

or the bugs biting

what if we didn't ever need those

big hands at all.

 

An important man, 

with someone else's god behind him,

has made me ask these questions

without the punctuation 

because it feels too urgent for technicalities.

You have led me before

And you will lead me again, 

And I need that now,

for it has been a long while since my knuckles have been white like this.