Love is dead.
It doesn't live here anymore.
How could I of been so nieve?
So damn pathetic ?
He blames me.
Says I make it hard and complicated when I'm involved.
Nine years.
I feel even more lost then was in high school.
I act purely on my heart impulses and the gut wrenching achey feeling of being truely alone.
No longer a beautiful women.
No longer a wife he's proud of.
Hurtful insults.
Bile names.
Everyday.
Repeatedly, like clock work.
I feel completely alone.
No where to go.
No one to turn to.
I feel weak.
Useless.
He is truly digested by me.
I'm trapped.
In a place I thought was my home.
He doesn't see me as an equal.
Just annoying and clingy , needy and emotionally unstable.
I should just give up.
Leave.
I know that's what he wants.
He's pushing me away.
So he doesn't look like the bad guy.
I don't even know if there is another women on his mind..
I do know I'm not the women he thinks is beautiful, amazing or proud of anymore.
I can't even talk to him.
We have fought every day for months now.
There is no compromising with him.
It's either I agree.
I'm stupid.
I'm wrong.
Or one worded answered.
Im to the point, I don't even care about what s on his phone…
He's freaks out the minute I'm on mine and goes through it all the time.
Surprisingly it doesn't bother me.
Maybe he is.
If so.
And I do find out.
It'll hurt.
I'll be alone for real.
I'll cry.
My stomach will be in constant knots for awhile.
But I'll have no choice.
I'll have to be strong.
Then I'll get mad.
Then eventually I won't care at all.
And it won't hurt at all.
I pray for that day to come swiftly.