It is in my darkest moments that I become religious. Not so that I can pray to the lord for better times, but so that I can blame anybody but myself. To blame some creator for problems I know I’m responsible for. Once time passes and the wounds (regardless of whether they’re mental, emotional, or physical) heal, I am sorry. Sorry not to the god which I created in my pain but to myself and to those the issues I caused pertained to. In my pain, in my confusion, in the haze of anger and misery I created something in my mind to take the pressure off, to try to dissolve the feelings I had. I created a punching bag in my head, a target board which I stuck all my problems to, thinking if I shot at them they might go away. But I was wrong. In pain, in anger, in hatred, in misery, it is vitally important to view things realistically. To create a scapegoat, especially one that can’t fight back, such as a god, is to avoid and prolong the issue. Once we realize that WE are the source of the problem, once we realize that WE created all this pain, anger and suffering, once all this occurs, we can finally figure out a way to solve it all.
To break and to fix, that is human nature. Interestingly enough, that is also the nature of a god. It is for this reason that so many of us turn to religion in both our lightest and our darkest times. To break and to fix, to blame and to accuse. To find someone, other than us, to drop the load on. THAT is human nature. The passing and prolonging of pain, Laziness, Fear, Anger, Hatred, and Death.
We see these things, we know they are negative and yet we cling to them because we know nothing else. Sure, we have ideas of good, of peace, of mercy, of giving, of forgiveness, of love. But these are only ideas; Mere thoughts in the minds of puny men and women. Dreams of children.
In light and in darkness we can see one another and we are disgusted. Yet, even in our disgust, in our hatred for ourselves and the world, we continue this obscene behavior.
What is it about pain that attracts humans so? Is it the oceans of salty tears that give us ample room to swim with the sorrow of others? Or maybe the seas of crimson blood upon the earth that allow us to dance upon our own misery. Why do we flock to these events of hatred, to these sites of mourning, to these institutions of death. When will we open our eyes and see the light? When will we finally feel the warmth of the sun on our, now painfully cold, souls?
Life is everywhere but so is death and it seems that society, nay, HUMANITY, flocks solely towards the latter. A spectical. A mystery of mysteries even though we see it every day. A wonder even greater than birth. Why is it that joy stays for such a short period of time but pain lasts forever?
Humanity has stepped into the crucible, into the burning oven, into the pressure cooker that is our existance and we refuse to come out. Despite the burns, despite the pressure, despite the pain, despite the agony, we simply refuse to fix our problems.
They say one man can not change the world. They say one drop can not make an ocean, and yet… What is an ocean but a vast collection of single droplets? And what is a revolution if not a vast collection of men and women who want to change the world? One man can change the world. One woman can change the world. But nobody will. No man, no woman, no child, no father or mother or brother or sister will change the world. Not alone at least. The World will stop them. Humanity will stop them. Not because we want to but because we simply don’t care to do anything else. Apathy. The true killer of man.
So, what can we do? Where will we go when the world is in ruins and we’re standing atop the rubble. Will we rebuild? Or will we lie down and die? Will we blame ourselves, or will we turn toward the skies and point an accusatory finger at a figment of our imaginations; At a god.