Fuck first semester

And financial aid and scholarship applications and just money in general.

And the 3.5 I needed if I wanted to come back.

And my parents.

And money

And society for revolving around money

And my inconsistent ability to save

 

Fuck Dodge trucks

And so-called males who know less about cars than I do

And the guys who complain more than I do

And just everyone who grew up differently than I did

Fuck who I was in high school

Fuck all the people who caused me to put my guard up.

And for making me such an internal bitch

Fuck premature judgments

And my stupid idiot self for making assumptions

 

Fuck August 19^th 2012

And making a fool of myself

And that damn summer workout

And not being good enough

And August 25^th- midnight

Fuck the one message I should have written differently

Fuck her for giving him the chance I was too full of myself to give.

Fuck her for cutting him off from me

Fuck him for giving her a second chance

Fuck my cell phone and alcohol

And other stupid decisions

 

Fuck July 29^th 2009

And trauma and terror and nightmares

And Bobcats and freak accidents

And leaving my house without my phone

And flip flops and nettles and rocks

And my stupid self and the need for peace of mind

And leaving.

Fuck April 13, 1999

And gambling addictions

And broken promises

And cutting losses.

 

Fuck pretending to be perfect

Fuck my sugar coated childhood

Fuck malicious people

All the ones I want to punch

Fuck rehab

And drugs

And desperate voicemails

And foreclosures

And banks

And promises not kept

 

Fuck Society

Fuck Expectations

Fuck the future

Fuck living “without regrets”

Fuck fake people and liars

Fuck the ones who don’t understand

Fuck the ones who never will

To each his fucking own – never fucking forget that.