Fuck first semester
And financial aid and scholarship applications and just money in general.
And the 3.5 I needed if I wanted to come back.
And my parents.
And society for revolving around money
And my inconsistent ability to save
Fuck Dodge trucks
And so-called males who know less about cars than I do
And the guys who complain more than I do
And just everyone who grew up differently than I did
Fuck who I was in high school
Fuck all the people who caused me to put my guard up.
And for making me such an internal bitch
Fuck premature judgments
And my stupid idiot self for making assumptions
Fuck August 19th 2012
And making a fool of myself
And that damn summer workout
And not being good enough
And August 25th- midnight
Fuck the one message I should have written differently
Fuck her for giving him the chance I was too full of myself to give.
Fuck her for cutting him off from me
Fuck him for giving her a second chance
Fuck my cell phone and alcohol
And other stupid decisions
Fuck July 29th 2009
And trauma and terror and nightmares
And Bobcats and freak accidents
And leaving my house without my phone
And flip flops and nettles and rocks
And my stupid self and the need for peace of mind
Fuck April 13, 1999
And gambling addictions
And broken promises
And cutting losses.
Fuck pretending to be perfect
Fuck my sugar coated childhood
Fuck malicious people
All the ones I want to punch
And desperate voicemails
And promises not kept
Fuck the future
Fuck living “without regrets”
Fuck fake people and liars
Fuck the ones who don’t understand
Fuck the ones who never will
To each his fucking own – never fucking forget that.