not till the year I found the worst coping mechanism of replacing meals with cigarettes and loving people who make me nervous

had I ever found myself covering my own mouth

had I ever found myself silencing a lion so loud

had I ever found myself being quiet for a sleeping giant

I never knew the extent of Newport nutrients and keeping the music so loud I couldn't breathe

I never knew the long term damage of holding your tongue so tight it bled

I knew only to please and be pleased

I knew only to plead and get on my knees

whether it be to please or to praise

I knew that if I spoke too soon a silver spoon be placed between my lips

if I asked for seconds of the attention

if I pleaded for validation and confirmation

they'd deem me unworthy unwanted and a damn near abomination

pay attention to this lesson

do not let yourself relapse or give in to regression

do not find yourself in people who don’t know your last name

this is the only way

the only path with an open gate

find joy in people who find joy in you