I just want to stop trying
I just want to stop time
Stay frozen in the moments that matter
Sharing laughs with my mother
Playing superhero with my father
Watching flicks with my sister

I don't want to try
When I begin to,
A bubble of anxiety climbs up my body and rests in my throat and I can't swallow

I'm tired of striving
My dreams and aspirations are bigger than me
And seem to move further and further away as I reach toward them

I'm over people
It seems as though when we come together; we have to be someone else
I'm a comedian for you, a therapist for her, an over-achiever for him
But never myself

I'm burnt out with school
Learning things that have nothing to do with me
And everything to do with perpetuating the structure of society

Everything must stop
This life must end
And begin again, anew

I must find a way to be free of trying
Be free of expectation
Be free of outcomes
Be free of fear

This life must stop
and begin again resting in the comfort of God
resting in his promises
resting in his peace
in his love

Where are the moments that matter?
They seem to only come sporadically

I'm just so tired of trying
But most of all, I’m afraid of failing