confessions

Wed, 04/09/2014 - 03:15 -- ezer
It's been ages.
Ages since I've written anything down.
Since I've allowed verses to be thought.
It's been forever since choppy sentences unvailed my inner emotions.
So here it goes.
Fell in love, quickly.
The kind that is fleeting and feels like ice cream.
Sweet and worth it.
But melting and icy.
Months. Kisses. Dates.
You're CRV drove me around late at night.
And we talked about everything.
Vulnerable and in love.
You played me though.
Cheated with a girl the whole world has kissed.
I cried unabashedly in front of my bests.
The guys wanted to beat you.
The girls said you didn't deserve me.
Yet I loved you.
But I hated you more.
Gone you went.
Out of my life and thrown to the wind.
Still my heart wants your kisses.
You pollute all my good moments.
Coldplay comes on and my heart melts.
I want my best friend,
To bad she left shortly before you.
Not even a good bye or a reason why.
Goodbye best friend.
Goodbye fleeting love like ice cream.
Weeks have passed.
And I've filled them.
With people that don't matter and boys who don't care.
But they were there and so was I,
And that's enough.
No time to think.
Perfectly content with being the world.
Now I like a coral colored polo.
I have tricked a country boy into thinking what we have is real.
Oh God. What a mess I'm in.
A mess because I've ran.
I've become the girl everyone thinks I'm not.
I've become another face.
Lost to adolescents.
Lost without a faith.
And you may say,
How?
How can I let this boy do this?
Or my ex best change me this bad?
And the answer is one I know.
And why I've not written.
Because I've become who they wouldn't want me to be.
An act of defiance.
An act that led me to understand,
I've always wanted to experience the world like this.
And now that I'm here I'm not turning around.
I've become the girl I swore to never be and
I'm all contradictions.
I'm all misconceptions.
I'm the girl everyone knows, but doesn't really know a thing about.
I don't like being here.
But there are no expectations here.
No one to let down.
And if I won't let any one down, no one will leave.

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741