my username is a melding of two bands that i no longer enjoy.
it’s such a silly little thing, isn’t it?
that after so many years, and genres, and phases,
these two frankly bad bands paint my presence.
i think there’s a subtle beauty to that.
there is a subtle beauty to the ways in which we build ourselves.
to the ways in which the things we love give us cement and cinder blocks.
thanks to a brief love of xiangqi, i call the knight, the horse.
i still kick a football in the way i taught myself to kick a rugby ball.
there is another, less subtle beauty in the ways
that the people we love carefully lay that cement and set the cinder blocks that build us.
i build my minecraft houses in the same way i did with steven and darren.
i make a G on my ukulele in the same way cali taught me to.
when i deadlift, i think about matt’s hairless shins.
i say pain like devin did when she was frustrated.
i fry my eggs how my dad taught me to
i still say “sugar!” around children instead of “shit!” thanks to a quiet lesson in politeness from nan.
and i think that love is expressed best in quiet ways.
asking "how's the homework coming along?"
or "what colour should i dye my hair?"
it might not be heard, but love is spoken
when you remember to specify no mayo on his sub,
or when you pick up the controller so your younger brother can find the secrets in a zombies map.
i am nothing,
if not the culmination of a life’s worth of love.