Part 1- Mind Games
I have to be perfect
I have to get good grades
I have to be better than others, being compared is not an option
My mom, sister and I have to be happy, no crying, you are weak
I have to be good enough to be bragged about
I HAVE TO BE PERFECT
I don't like playing five sports but Dad told me to, so I have too
I am being compared to others, why can't I just be me?
I can't question him but he can question me
Whenever we argue he buys me things to make up for it, no hugs
Why are there so many people around, yet I feel so alone
Why am I not good enough?
Why do I keep failing my Dad?
I am so stupid
I wish I had his confidence
I am weak
I am unimportant
I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH
How can he compare me to others?
Why am I stupid for getting one B?
Why are you bragging about me?
Why can't I go play with friends?
Why do I feel so alone?
If you are not perfect there will be consequences
He is going to shut me out
FEAR IS POWER
His world just came crashing down
He is panicked
He is losing control
He is powerless
I finally saw you for who you truly were,
The people I loved
Today I cut a cord with you
I no longer give you the power and control to rule my life
Today I give back the fear, anxiety, confusion, self-hatred and anger you bestowed upon me
I will no longer allow you to ruin my life and the lives of other people around me
Part 2- Conquering
This is not my fault
I do not deserve to be treated like this
I will no longer be shaped by him
I have the ability to create myself
I have friends
I am not alone
I can laugh
I can read
I can play one sport
I can be different
I am strong
I am beautiful
I am confident
I love me
I fail no one
I am good enough
I will not be compared to anyone
I am powerful
I am important
Perfection is not real
I can say what I want
I will not be punished for being me
My life is my choice
I make my own decisions