When I was younger all I could think about was going back to Chicago but now I see it's just because of the memories I had there. The vague memories of when my parents were married although it always felt like something was missing but it didn't matter because I had my cousins and loving aunt, Barb who made as much puppy chow as I could handle; which meant a pound or to. I ignored the harsh winters and prissy people for the long walks where I could talk to my dad. Now I don't even know how to talk to him anymore, it was so easy in Chicago. We would go down town and into cafes, take the river taxi across lake Michigan. He would show me his after grad school that he met mom at. He showed me the house where he grew up and where him and mom used to take Carmen on walks. It's bittersweet, imagining my parents loving each other when  now they can barely talk to each other. He showed me a beach in down town Chicago with beautiful murals of all different kinds of things; a bike, and a detailed picture of a mouth. He told me that him and my mom would go swimming there. Somehow I could imagine them, young and free in the beautiful city that is Chicago, planning there lives together. Before the stress of the world got to them and they were split apart by structure, what my dad thinks saved him. He spends his time fighting, eliminating, defending because that is all he knows how to do but I don't blame him because beneath the fireflies lies a fast moving city with fast moving people constantly fighting. That is what makes Chicago, Chicago.


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