I've been wearing the lotion

I bought myself as an early birthday present

In a target in Chicago with Christmas money from my aunt

It smells like cherry blossoms and proclaims itself "exotic"

I don't know why but it heightens my sense of longing

I feel like crying every time I put it on

I know it's strange but I like crying and longing

I even like hurting deep sometimes

I've been wearing the lotion lately

I fear I might miss some sliver of Chicago

I say I'm a lover not a fighter but that's not entirely true

I'm a coward, but I'd rather be fighting and feeling than sitting stagnant and apathetic