Catching Up

It ended.

The pain.

The sadness.

I finally felt like I was as free

as a bird.

Flying so high and so fast that there was absolutely no one that was stopping me.

I finally got my wings,

that have been clipped for so long.

It had been four years.

Four long years to break free.

Four long years to finally do me.

People always think the ones in the longest relationships are the ones who made it.

They think those are the ones that can overcome everything, and in some cases that is true… 

but not in mine.

You see, especially in a young relationship, there tends to be one that is being let down.

One who gives up a part of themselves for the happiness of the other, but what happens when the other keeps taking from the one.

I’ll tell you what happens.

After all the lies, cheating, and accusations being made against you… 

you still forgave them,

you still went back.

With every time you took them back and made their mistakes as if they never happened… 

or worse, you normalized them, is when you let him take a piece of you.

You let his grip get that much stronger.

Time after time and all of the dms you’ve received asking “Do you two still go out? Because he keeps messaging me, asking to take me out on a date?”, you start to sink in a deep black hole where no one can hear you scream.

You are paralyzed, scared, and you just want it to all end!

But… 

you believe in him, 

that this isn’t the real him.

You swear to yourself that somewhere in his body is the lost soul that would treat you right… 

you’re wrong.

You see, I gave him chances.

And might I add WAY too many too count, my friends could even back me up on that.

I was too weak to leave for so long because with every encounter that I made his actions okay, I lost myself within it.

He took my strength and braveness.

He made me feel that if I left him, 

there would be no one that would treat me better… and I believed that for so long.

Until the day that God knocked some sense into me.

I kid you not, I woke up one day after being sad for weeks and asked myself,

“Why are you doing this to yourself?”

I looked at myself in the mirror, silent tears streaming down my face saying,

“You are strong. You don’t need someone that doesn’t care to change, when they see how it affects you. You are going to get through this… without him.”

And sure enough,

I was the one who picked myself up.

I was the one who put an end to a fucked up situation that I was trapped in for four long years.

And what happened when I finally called it quits,

he came crawling right to me because for the first time in four years I stood up for myself.

He must have seen it in my eyes and heard it in my voice that I was done for good, 

which left him scared.

He was scared that he had lost a good girl that he knew he took advantage of. He probably never saw this day coming, but thank God it did.

Was it hard getting to the position to finally end it all?

Yes.

Was it hard getting up, walking out the door, and slamming it shut on the way out?

No.

It wasn’t hard because I no longer had to beg for someone just to care about me.

I realized my worth and the power I hold.

He had me thinking this whole time that he was the best I’d ever get,

well he was wrong.

When I left for good, it was like I was reborn into a new improved person.

I felt and still feel bulletproof, even though the wounds he left on me are still fresh.

However, their a reminder of my strength and the power I have to choose who enters my life and how they affect me.

Ever since, I never smiled more and I never felt so free.

I can finally be happy and not have the fear of constant worry.

This was the year I found me,

and we have a lot of catching up to do!

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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