Burgundy Lips


it is only when my life is not filled with daily distractions,

with the tug and pull of a schedule,

that i'm able to realize

i'm physically and emotionally exhausted.


i'm emotionally falling apart.


i'm a bundle of nerves bound in a ball

like one of those rubber band balls kids dream of making

but never of becoming.


at any sudden movements i will flinch,

and if you raise your voice, i jump

i am tapping my fingers and i am holding them still.

think, think, think

why do i feel this way again


i thought i'd fought this cloud.


i'd grown used to getting up early for each day

applying lipstick

smacking my lips so the 99 cent burgundy shade on them would be even

allowing myself to feel pretty whenever I could.

wearing skirts every day

for no one else but myself.

calling that "feminism".

going to class and taking detailed notes instead of dosing through Statistics.

until it all felt natural again.


but today i have no class to go to

i have only these constricting walls to stare at

my ears are ringing with the broken relationship of my parents

my fingers are still fiddling

my legs are restless

they know they have to go

walk, keep walking

one day they will trip into something better


one day the sky will slowly clear

and my lips will be burgundy red.



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