it is only when my life is not filled with daily distractions,
with the tug and pull of a schedule,
that i'm able to realize
i'm physically and emotionally exhausted.
i'm emotionally falling apart.
i'm a bundle of nerves bound in a ball
like one of those rubber band balls kids dream of making
but never of becoming.
at any sudden movements i will flinch,
and if you raise your voice, i jump
i am tapping my fingers and i am holding them still.
think, think, think
why do i feel this way again
i thought i'd fought this cloud.
i'd grown used to getting up early for each day
smacking my lips so the 99 cent burgundy shade on them would be even
allowing myself to feel pretty whenever I could.
wearing skirts every day
for no one else but myself.
calling that "feminism".
going to class and taking detailed notes instead of dosing through Statistics.
until it all felt natural again.
but today i have no class to go to
i have only these constricting walls to stare at
my ears are ringing with the broken relationship of my parents
my fingers are still fiddling
my legs are restless
they know they have to go
walk, keep walking
one day they will trip into something better
one day the sky will slowly clear
and my lips will be burgundy red.
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