Life gets hard sometimes,

And sometimes it feels like you don’t want to go on anymore.

But life gets easier as you go on,

Or that’s what everybody says.

 

I don’t really get that though.

Because if life really does get easier,

Why does it take so long to change?

 

Change comes so fast for things that aren’t really important,

But moves so slow for things that are.

 

Patience feels out of reach,

And I’m slowly losing touch with reality.

Slowly and slowly my surroundings change,

But my emotions stay the same.

Depression lurks,

Anxiety clings,

Paranoia is always one step behind,

Dysphoria follows in its footsteps.

 

Nothing changes with my emotions.

I want to feel happy!

I want to be happy!

I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror without hearing voices in my head.

I want to feel good about myself.

I want to feel safe enough where I can be myself,

Not the version of myself that was perfectly sculpted by society.

I want to be able to choose what I am in the world;

 

But life has gotten so hard,

And I’m sorry if I don’t make it past this.

I’m sorry for how this is going to affect you,

But I don’t think that I can take this anymore.

 

You’re wasting your time trying to fix me.

I’m not someone or something that can be fixed.

I’m not a problem that can be solved,

Not some equation that has a solution.

 

I haven’t found my place in the world,

And I’ve only created problems.

I’ve accepted the fact that I’m not a fit for this world,

But why can’t you see that I’m not a fit either?