The fourth of July had always symbolized out relationship

Not only was it the day we confessed our feelings

Or the next year spending it under the fireworks

But it was also in the way that it was explosive but beautiful

It was the boom which symbolized our hearts together

It lit up an entirely darkened sky

It was an explosion of feelings

It was also how fireworks could quickly become dangerous

 

Although I already knew this

My mom had told me that I would always love you

However, there may be a day I won’t be IN love with you

But I will still love you

You were my firework

So many late night drives with you

Us exploring the park because we both loved nature

But were too broke to go somewhere big

Watching you jump off a rope swing for the first time

We went mini golfing

And made fun of each other for being terrible at it

We shared late night walks for the sunset

We lied on the grass to look at the stars

We belted the lyrics to songs

And you smiled no matter how bad I purposely sounded

We were best friends

We never argued

There was nothing we couldn't get past

 

I once read an article saying

“You fall out of love for the same reasons you fall into it”

I never thought this would be true

But car rides with you became silent

And filled with secret tears

Affection seldom

And “I love you” became a lost phrase

When I lost you,

The air became water

You can't breathe underwater

But I'm not so sure I tried

I thought it was my fault

But it never was

We were changing

Growing up

You were no longer my sweet lion haired guy I fell in love with

But I was no longer that short haired girl with the electric energy either

That was hard to accept

I wanted you

But I was drowning

 

I learned that it's okay to be underwater

You just have to grab some snorkelers and goggles

When I think of you now

I don't think the bad things

I think of how you made me realize that I was beautiful without makeup

And that I don't need it to be confident

You taught me to skip rocks in my spot in the woods

Hidden from the world

You taught me to never give up on my dreams

Even if that meant changing them a little

You taught me not to hide my smile

To be proud of who I am and what I look like

You taught me how to love

 

By losing you

You taught me that I can still be me

And be happy by myself

You also taught me to stop apologizing for myself

That not everything is my fault

You showed me what love is

But I’m grateful that you showed me what loss is too