the month of may, malignant to fight, provoked my suicidal tendencies with all its might

 

my mouth felt arid and

my tongue went numb as I forced another pill down my throat.

the seclusive surroundings of my bedroom slowly became a blur;

dark drops of blood trickled from my arm,

slightly staining my sheets a ruddy red color.

black tears streaked down my face.

soon a slumberous hypnosis began to set in which I hoped would soon become a permanent sleep.

 

but I awoke.

my mind remained paralyzed in a state of sadness

stuck in an able-bodied apostle for life,

who secretly desired a fatal escape from this hurtful hellish world.

 

this memory became a part of the

three times I couldn’t bear my own demons,

the three times I enacted suicidal treasons.

 

on my own, all alone, lodged in a sad suicidal mode

I was breaking and crumbling from the inside out

how in this terrible world could I overcome my doubts?

 

six months later,

I climbed out of the dark

filled the void,

now I’m making my mark.

 

depression came over me lethargically in the night

but this is the year I can say I successfully won the fight

 

my desire to stop breathing

became my motive to continue achieving.

my rekindled love

transcended my sanguine need for bleeding

 

this year I shattered my suicidal mind to pieces

and mended it back together again

to create a new me

who I am learning to love so I can accomplish my ambitious reaches.