This just in:
a family went hungry last night,
a woman died of breast cancer,
and a child was hit by a drunk driver.
In other news:
overpopulation, global warming, AIDS,
floods, droughts, earthquakes,
trouble in __________ (place 3rd world country here)
Oh, you don’t want that kind of news? Well, here’s the other:
The Summer fashion line is in,
Some B-list celeb did something you’ll forget about in 10 minutes, and
Whose beach body’s best?
Sex, pregnancy, scandal,
Love, divorce, style,
Singers, actors, distractions
Is this your fault or ours?
Find out in the next issue.