Breaking Even

Location

97701
United States
44° 6' 49.4676" N, 121° 15' 46.8936" W

Imagine
Not you and me
No happy endings
Just a knife
Pure and simple
Shiny and new
Polished to perfection
Driven into my arm with surgeon-like precision

All this just to see the bright red liquid that makes us alive
Pure and simple

Shatter glass
Scatter me
Shadows are my soul

I dared the world to break my bounds and fragment my fragile bones

The world didn’t listen

Put yourself in the shoes of a stranger
An outcast
A nobody

The difference between me and them is that they don’t get called a bitch everyday
Fat
Forest girl

My past doesn’t define me
My strength is an illusion
My calm hides a storm

Dreams
What are they
Honestly

They’re just dares that we thought up
Thought up
Thinking
Danger
Warnings

Blood stained battlefields piled with corpses because one man thought it was right
One finger press from nuclear war
One chance to change the world

Whether it’s for good or bad
We do it anyways
Is that what makes us different?

Honestly

Is that what makes humans human?
It’s pathetic
Sickens me

The dream is fading now I’m staring at a door
Whatever happened to a passion I could live for
What became of the flame that made me feel more

Vanish
Fire and brimstone

Clouds
Scattered across the sky
Dancing through my mind

Silence

Something we all crave but few can get
Pure
Simple
Silence

Perfection

I would kill to have that
The few sacred moments of free fall before you have to react
The best part of the dream before it becomes a nightmare
Running barefoot through the woods before you have to go home

Perfection

Crave it
Hunger for it
Dream for it
Hope for it

Perfection
Normality

To actually be accepted for who we are and not for what we wear
For what we believe in

But we still have the knife
The blade pressed deeply into my skin so I don’t feel it hurting me

Pain is only weakness leaving the body

Imagine
Not me and you
But a world without weakness

Where dreams are reality and not just a fantasy that you crave

Dreams will never be enough
They will only distract us for a little
Then we always have to wake up
Waking up is the hardest

Run
Faster and faster
A melody created by the forest
Until we arrive
Dead Man's Gulch
Dislocated my shoulder
Scratched up my arm

So why did I still dream when I already know that that not going to happen
Stopped chasing them

Once upon a time

We all want a story that starts like this
Here’s mine

Once upon a time I was braver
Stronger
Carefree
Once upon a time I was a survivor
Fighter
Dreamer

We all have our futures we planned out
Hoping we’re in the other persons

You left me for the life I was meant to live
The athlete
Musician
Fighter

Crying from the catwalks when I’d rather hang myself on the metal bars

I made a future once
So did you
I wasn’t in it
My dreams were

So maybe we’ll catch up later

I’ll still be a nobody
The forest girl from California
The people would rather see dead then alive

Maybe we could have seen past the darkness
But all we have is darkness

They threatened to drug me

The blade is back
Scars everywhere
Faded now
Only the emotional ones remain
The memories from a person I used to be

Once upon a time

We all want our story to start like that
A fairy tale plot
My very own happy ending

So what will you say when I’ve wasted away
At the end of time and the end of space
Epic rap battles of history during math class
Skipping third to go hit the thing with the thing
Then tune some more
To play the cymbals as loud as I can

This is where I belong

I sold my soul to the devil in order to be given a gift
I never got a gift
I got a curse

I don’t even know what it is

Transformation
Cleaning station
Coraline is a claymation

Cross species genetics

He always called me Little Bird
I never knew why
I was only five

Little bird
They said I was a wolf
Trapped in the body of a kestrel

Black as night
Dark as day
You came with the roses

I was free once

Wild
Free
Spirited

Then came high school

I learned that high school is code for let me suck your soul out of your nostrils
But I’m a nobody
An outcast
A loser
A dreamer
A fighter

Eye level
Hands steady
Narrowed
A new perspective

Breath in
Breath out
Breath in
Breath out

Aim

Five
Four
Three
Two
One

The final day on planet earth
Man vs animal
They have learned how to fight us
Our strengths and weaknesses
There is no more blood left
Just the empty shell of a girl

For forgetting somebody you love is like remembering someone you’ve never met
Impossible
It hurts all over

Especially on the inside

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