Boundless

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Boundless

 

Without a filter, the world doesn’t have a pretty glow or white polaroid border or ‘just the right amount’ of blurriness. It is unforgiving. Sharp, real, boundless, beautiful, unable to be captured. When I was little, my older sister and I used to snatch up our mother’s makeup bag, dig down to the bottom and carefully take out the coveted blue eyeshadow. Slowly and recklessly we would paint our eyelids up to our brows, giggling with joy. I thought I was beautiful- I knew I was! But after our obsessive photoshoots against our lime green wall, we would look through every single photograph. I remember changing each picture to either black and white or soft focus, thinking “Sure, I’m pretty but I’m just a bit prettier with these filters.” Now, I am old enough to have my own makeup bag, but I do not reach for the blue eyeshadow. I still carefully, but not recklessly, paint makeup on my face- just the right amount. I choose the perfect shade of blush that makes me look best in the Valencia filter on Instagram, even though it makes me break out a bit. I cannot remember the last picture I posted a picture onto the digital world that does not have a filter on top of it- my life is faked through filters. X Pro II- hi, my name is mysterious chick but in real life I'd be running away from you in fear of confrontation. Earlybird- GOOD MORNING! I NEVER LOOK THIS GOOD IN THE MORNING BUT I HAVE THIS FILTER TO MAKE ME SEEM LIKE A MORNING PERSON! Amaro- So, I just tried this new type of yoga that only the ancient buddhas do, it was so interesting- even though without this filter I'd probably make fun of it. I try to tell myself that I don’t need them, I am beautiful and interesting and good enough without them. I will get likes, I will be liked. The words that are wrapped around pictures and in between them are encased in a cellophane of filters, too. Don’t cuss- you’re a lady. Make sure to put a smiley face and plenty of exclamation points! Coming off as angry won’t make people like you. Keep up with the modern lingo- don’t say kill ‘em, say slay instead. The filters protect my pictures and words but damage who I actually am. When I am free from them, I am truly alive. My arms have freckles sharper than any image tools, my face as bright as it is flawed- no rosy cheeks but the sweetest smile around town! I love my true self, I love the crappy clothes I wear sometimes when I’m not so nice, the days where nothing has a colon-parentheses or is injected with fake over-enthusiasm. And you know what? Saying bomb dot com is like tasting sweet nostalgia on my tongue, like my world is actually fucking real for once. I am a clumsy giant in a world of graceful pixies, I am the first college bound student in my family, I am scared and worried but excited as hell and wouldn’t trade it for the world. I may swear a bit too much, break out like a normal teenager, but I live my life without filtered glasses- although I can never live this freely today. The greatest day is yet to come and highly strived for. The greatest day is when my Instagram username is followed by #nofilter.

This poem is about: 
Me

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