I am beautiful

But I don’t know if that’s what you think

Because you don’t let that word

Or anything like it

come out of your mouth

I am you lover by night

Your friend in the morning

Someone who you could never allow to be “the one”

because I am beautiful

At least that’s what my mama tells me

That’s what my conscience tells me

That’s what my girls tell me

But never you

And never the other boys

And never the media

I refuse to buy Vogue

because I don’t see me

And I don’t see you

So why can’t we be ugly

together?

But you want the dream

You want that perfect job and the loads of money and the Ivy League education

You want that mansion, 3-and-a-half kids, the visual perfection

That just isn’t me

And that stings

Because I allowed “this” to continue

I don’t even know what “this” is

Because I thought one day you’d think I was beautiful

And I’ve waited years to hear you say it

I’ve waited years to let you think it

I’ve waited years for you to show it

I thought that I could persuade you

into thinking that I was your dream

But all I am is your sounding board

and your dick sucker

 

My mind is tired

My heart is tired

My mouth is tired

I am tired of swallowing

your feelings,

your thoughts,

your anger

I am tired of my mouth always being sticky and salty

While you stay empty

 

I am beautiful

That’s what my mama tells me

That’s what my conscience tells me

That’s what my girls tell me

But not you, never you

And never the other boys

And never the media

But I don’t need your validation

to know that my personality

My attitude

My spirit

My music

My mind

My body

My face

My dick-sucking lips

are beautiful

 

We could have been ugly together

 

But I don’t mind being beautiful alone.