BON VOYAGE

All of the doubt and pain

Has turned my head

Into a baby's rattle

And the shaking toy...

Feels like an earthquake

And all the toys noise...

Is the only sound I hear

My inner voice lost

And I am as deaf

As Helen Keller

Unable to hear my inner voice

Causes me to be as blind as...

Helen Keller and three mice

And without warning

Being deaf and dumb

I become trapped

Inside of myself...

And it's the worst prison

An innocent person could ever be

Caged in

Without a key

And no possibility -

Of escaping...

The prison that I've built for me

Hurting pain

And painful hurting

The death penalty sucks

But...

Makes lethal injection

An option...

Rather than an outright rejection

Ann Landers once wrote

When you find yourself at rock bottom

Logically speaking then...

Where is there to go -

But up

This simple quote

That Miss Ann wrote

So many decades ago

Has profoundly stuck with me

Through many tribulations

Trials

Denials

Psychological and emotional

Spirals

Providing eventualities

That at the time seemed like

Total impossibilities

And then the baby drops the rattle

No more earthquake shaking

The sound of silence

And then once again I can hear...

A very faint voice -

Yet I know who it is

Inner me...

Talking softly and soothingly

Not wanting to startle

The fragility that I have become

Knowing that speaking loudly

Self to self

Would be catastrophic

Counter-productive

An invitation to insanity

Leaving me caged

In my own Self constructed prison

Keyless

Clueless

The melancholy of...

Blueness

Absolutely ruthless

Just too...

(As Amy Winehouse sang)

I go back to black

The faint inner voice

A little louder now...

And then I hear another sound

(Oh shit the baby has the rattle back)

I anticipate the earthquake inside my head

9.7 on the Richter scale

Then I realize...

It is not rattling that I hear hear

Its jangling...

The sound of keys...

There is a way out...

A real possibility

That I can set myself free -

From me

And just suck it up and get on with it

And turn the key

Open the self-imposed cage

Let go of the hurt

Give up the rage

Kick anger in the ass

Embrace the options

I forgot that I had

Prod forward...

Don't look back...

I can hear Amy Winehouse

Don't let yourself...

Fade back to black

And so I step into the Sun

The light is blinding...

I glint to see -

And discover myself...

Back on the road of life

Full of hills and bumps

Twists and turns

Forks to the left

Forks to the right

Without a map...

To once again be on my way

Destination unknown

But that's life...

It's not a vacation that you're on

It's a journey...

With no guarantee or certainty

Bon voyage

Enjoy the scenery

Aerial 09/26/2015