Blessings in Disguise

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Growing up without you,

thinking this was the norm.
Ill never forget the day i was told you were remarried,
i could feel the tears begin to form.
 
Proud of a good grade,
or just wanting to talk about my day at school,
waiting for you to come home every night,
waiting like a fool. 
 
Mom would wake us up, early hours of the morning.
"Baby, you need to get up." "But mom..it's only 3:30."
Looking out the window, wondering where we were going,
Finally coming to our arrival, out you came stumbling.
 
The only few times i ever remembering 
hearing your voice at home,
was when I would pick up the other line 
and hear you yelling through the phone.
 
As we watched our mommy cry.
Me and my brother didn't understand.
So many times, we could hear her crying out,
crying out for a helping hand.
 
Honor roll programs, dances, and sporting event games,
I still remember hoping i'd see you,
like all the other kids parents,
cheering in the stands.
 
I would watch my friends hug their dads, 
and I would listen to them say
"You did so good!" 
and I'm so proud of you!"
wishing i had a relationship like that.. 
one that never came true.
 
You weren't there for my first date
or to hear about my first kiss,
You weren't there during my first heart break,
There's so many things that you have missed.
 
Birthdays, holidays, I can't even count them.
Do you know my favorite color? Or my best friends names?
Do you know that I wouldn't be who i am today
without them?
 
If you taught me anything growing up it was this:
People always leave 
and many with no explanation to exist.
 
This road that I've traveled has been anything but easy.
Dealing with the stress of work, school, and family
can sometimes leave me dizzy.
 
But the road that I'm following is anything but over.
I've still got a thousand faces to put smiles on,
to lean a helping hand to during their struggles.
 
As i stand here, i'm more passionate than ever, 
looking beyond the sea full of lies.
I will strive to be the difference,
in another little souls eyes. 
 
One that they can count on, 
to tell them they will survive.
To tell them that the pain will make you stronger,
That you will make it out alive.
 
So, I thank you, for all of the blessings in disguise
as I've journeyed down this road. 
You're little girl is now a woman,
just trying to make it on her own. 

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