A Black Dykes Funeral

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I attended my own funeral,

Clad in nothing but all white.

At my casket the mourners gather,

I watched the tears my wife tried to fight.

 

The paster hollered, ''Be seated!''

''The service I need to begin!''

''Cause your roll will soon be called up yonder!''

''And you must answer for every sin!''

 

And so I watched the congregation,

Be stilled at his request.

Except for Amber's bickering,

Everyone else was at their best.

 

Soon it was time for my Eulogy,

That my wife was suppose to read.

But my Ex's all lined up in front,

And to ''God'' I began to plead!

 

I counted 1-2-13 of them!

Looking down the line at each other.

Tanya glared at Stephanie,

And I inwardly groaned ''Oh brother!''

 

But befo9re they could all argue,

Cassandra said, "Lets take turns,"

''We'll all say what she meant to us,

And to her family, our concerns''

 

So Talia said, ''Well I'll go first''

And her paper she unfold.

Her final words were, ''You're greatly missed''

''Though mine heart you've frozen cold''

 

Next was Sofie,

God bless her little heart!

She yelled, ''Please come back to me!''

"All I want is a brand new start!''

 

Toya hissed her teeth at that,

And said, "You think she wants you?''

''She promised me a ring at that,

And with her mistresses I'm left to que!''

 

Amanda whispered, ''Lets not cast stones,''

''Instead lets speak of the fun times of old.''

''Like when she cheated on you with Tess?" someone shouted.

And on the platform that suss unfold.

 

I took an intermission,

For some popcorn and soda.

I came back at number eleven,

To hear the voluptuous Rhoda.

 

Finally, My wife Jeanie spoke,

With tears all in her eyes.

''I guessed we all have missed her,

Despite her many lies"

 

''So now I ask for closure,

Lets forgive her for her mistakes."

''Cause now she's gone forever!''

''Despite how badly our heart aches''

 

I humbly bowed my head in sorrow,

Knowing the extent of these women pain.

To my grave I took their hearts with me,

And now even in death peace eludes me...Again.

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