joyfully my best friend
walks up to me and says,
"long time no see"
she hugs me, squeezes me 
tight around the middle, 
and for a second, I cannot breathe

I try to choke out a,
"glad to see ya", but 
the laughter in her face
brings out sadness from 
old days, when we would
lay in bed and say that 
we wish it would all end
then I realize that that was yesterday

I force a fake laugh,
and she seems to understand
that i've forgotten how we lasted
as friends for so long
she says, "follow me,
I'll teach you to have fun”
and my re-education course
has finally begun

we do a self-exploration
staying away from the sticky stuff,
like hurt, and pain, and family
and she finds our old frenemy
points, laughs, asks, "love?
who could love ugly old me"
and I laugh with her, because it's been so long
and it finally feels good
so I play our favorite song

"The knife goes chop chop chop
If I miss the spaces in-between 
my fingers will come off"
except, this is not a game
and we don't play with fingers
"isn't this fun?!" she shouts
as the world twirls about and about
I wake up collapsed on my mother's couch
hoping it was all a dream
I look down at my arm
and let out a scream
My best friend has left her mark
I guess this time she wanted to stay
she's tired of me kicking her out
of the meds driving her away
I tell myself not again,
but in the corner of my I see
my best friend walking up to me