Believe in the Impossible

I remember being so broken at age 13.

I felt so out of place and alone, even

Though I wasn't. I tried to fit in with

The "cool kids" and make friends, but

I was always so awkward and I always

Got picked on for being weird and not

Having all of the latest clothes and 

Because I wasn't into Justin Bieber.

I never despised a mirror so much

Before. I never felt so distant and

Alone before. I never felt so...

Incomplete. At age 15, still the same

Way. Broken, as usual. I cried for

An hour and a half that night and

Looked up to God. I whispered

On the outside, but I screamed

From the pieces on the inside,

"Will I be broken for the rest of 

My life? Is this what my life is?

Will I ever be complete?".

 Sobbing silently into my pillow,

I looked to my mom, soundly

Asleep. She tried so hard with

Me. She did her best to understand

Me, even if it was complicated.

She made me laugh when I couldn't

Even smile and she was 

My best friend. The night she went

Home was a night I could never

Forget. At first, when I laid down

In the bed my sister and I shared 

At my aunt's house, she fell asleep

And I laid there, just feeling done.

Done with trying, done with fighting,

Just seriously fucking done with everything.

Then, sooner than I thought, I was

Complete. I fell in love with life.

It all became so painfully beautiful to me

And I finally, finally accepted myself.

I accepted every bit of who I was.

I didn't see an abnormal

Being in the mirror anymore.

I saw what my mom always told me

I was. A beautiful soul. She always

Told me this, but I never believed her.

For once, I was happy. And I loved 

Myself. I lost my hero, but I became

My own. And I thank God with 

All I am. I never thought I could

Be happy just because I was alive.

And, shockingly, I am no longer

Afraid of death. I haven't been

Since 2015, the year we lost her.

I'm not afraid to be alone anymore.

Not afraid to be an outsider.

I was different from kids my age,

Anyway. I'm an old soul. And I'm

Just fine with my little group of friends

And a quilt of memories to warm

My heart. I don't need trends or

Anything. All I really need is what

I have. God bless.



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