The Beginning of New Beginnings

When I first saw the love of my life, a decade ago,

Two very distinctive thoughts became clear:

  1. I would never, ever, see anything more beautiful in my life.
  2. I would dedicate my life to the preservation of that beauty.

...And then She smiled.

Never before in this known reality, nor ever again, has time stood still

Basking my sweet love in soft, rosy angelic light,

Angelic hums filled my head, drowning out all my new-middle-school,

bipolar-autistic student, paranoid thoughts.

"Why is everyone looking at me? Everyone else is new here too, right?

Am I dirty? Is it my hair? OH GO-"

And then I saw Her.

When I tell you my thoughts stopped, I don't mean I got a little reprieve.

For as long as I chose to think about her,

My mania took a hit, my paranoia died, my instability was vanquished,

And my anxiety was left pushing up daisies.

For no other memory than a passing glance of her beauty,

I was, at least perceivably, normal as normal gets.


I was in my darkest years of addiction and mental illness following

high school. Heroin dependency and withdrawal were biweekly alternates.

My bipolar disorder took me across the United States looking for a calm

in the storm that was my chaotic life. I was very near suicide,

having written a bill of affairs, quit working, isolated myself in my room,

and preparing to check out of the pay by the hour motel we call Earth.

I have no logical explanation for what possessed me to go on Facebook,

But I did.

Who did I see, first on my homepage?

That's right, faithful audience, Her.

And in a single moment, through the fog of heroin withdrawal

and severe depression, a tunneling beam of memory smacked me in the head.

Her beauty.

That's what mattered.

So I messaged her, asking to catch up on life and basically looking for a friend.

To censor a lot of nasties, almost 3 years later we're happily together

It turns out I was only wrong on one of my two thoughts that day when I first saw her

There is someone just as beautiful, if not more, than my sweet love.

We have a beautiful 10 month old girl, Evelyn Fae Standard, who lights up my world.

Just like her mommy.



This poem is about: 
My family


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