I love you.

I love the way you look at me.

I love the way you speak to me.

I love the way you love me.

You love me.

Finally. Someone truly loves me.

 

Then I found out it was all a lie. Again.

I had been the second girlfriend.

Did you cheat on her? Did you cheat on me?

The world will never truly see what I see.  

But I love you.

 

So I try and forgive. I try and forget.

But you just can’t stop. And that was just the start.

 

Because I love you,

I let things go.

I watch you pick your friends over me.

I watch you pick your fraternity over me.

I watch you lie to my face,

Telling me it was all a mistake.

It was all in my head.

Just jump into bed.

I watch you forget about our plans,

To get high once again.

I watch you pick apart my life, my body, my friends,

To keep me close to you until the end.

I watch you push me away,

To bring me back in again,

Because that’s the fraternity way.

 

It’s not cool to have a girlfriend.

So I became the cool girlfriend.

I set up punch.

I cleaned up your house.

I made your friends munchies.

I painted that table.

I did everything I could,

But nothing was as it should.

 

Because I love you.

We travel the world together.

10 states and 2 countries later.

We always post a pretty picture.

Who wants to throw stones at a glass house?

Not our glass house.

 

You told me I was your dream girl.

You told me I was your supermodel.

You told me I was the love of your life.

You told me I was what you thanked God for every day.

 

But I was nothing to you.

See we didn’t even have an anniversary.

Because you can’t say what day you started loving me.

We only went on dates when I broke down and cried,

And tried to say goodbye.

You promised me the world,

And shattered my heart to pieces.

 

Every time I said no,

I pushed you away,

I told you to go.

But I can’t let go, when you don’t listen to me say no.

 

I threatened to call the cops.

I’d lock myself in the bathroom.

I’d sleep on the sofa.

Just to get away from you.

 

Because I loved you

I learned to hate myself.

 

I look in the mirror and say I love you to

The stretch marks he pointed out.

The toothy smile he didn’t like.

The flat stomach that needed abs.

The hips that were unfortunately a size 4 not 0.

The hair that was either too butch or basic bitchy.

The skin that would never be perfect enough.

For him. I was never enough.

 

You both torment me

And left me with PTSD.

But I know I will be okay,

Because I learned how to walk away,

And look in the mirror every day.

 

Because when I love me,

I can walk away.

 

Because when I love me,

Every day is a good day.