because i love you
the words “because i love you”
have long since been distorted
in my head. there is much damage
to be undone
inside my heart
from all of the times someone
misused the phrase
“because i love you”
“because i love you”
was something i had waited
long and patiently
to say to someone
with no inhibitions in my mind.
yet when i said it,
the feelings in my heart
were often
completely unmatched.
“because i love you”
became pressure.
“because i love you”
became the cause
of my shaking bones
and my frail figure.
“because i love you”
became the root
of all my suffering.
“because i love you”
became the logic
behind every time
he would hurt me.
“because i love you”
became the sole
reasoning for me to stay,
even when he decided
all those times that no one
could know about me.
“because i love you”
was blindsiding.
and now that i am gone,
i have come to understand
something very important
about the phrase
“because i love you”.
there are many times
people will misuse this wording,
this deep emotion that
kids will fabricate because
they want so badly
to love and be loved.
i have learned that it is
best kept far away from the mouth
until you can trust someone with
your whole heart--
because no one should have
something so precious
while being so
utterly
completely
undeserving.
“because i love you”
should be the sunrise.
“because i love you”
should be the coffee
in your favorite cup.
“because i love you”
should be the smile
you share with a friend
when both of you make
the same joke in your heads.
“because i love you”
should be a love so powerful,
without falter, without hesitation,
that all the darkness and hurt in your
heart slowly clears up,
like the clouds after a life-long storm.
there is a lot to learn about
love, a lot to learn about being
mature with your own heart.
but if there is one thing
i have learned in my years
of saying over and over,
“because i love you”--
it is that before anyone can
give you this,
you have to be the one
to love yourself first.