I say that I have faith 

And some days I think that I do, 

Like the days when I talk 

About Jesus and post 

Sweet Jesus things on my social media 

Or pray to God 

Saying how sorry I am for not talking to Him for awhile and 

Promising 

That I will change. 

That I will set aside time to read the Bible 

Or trust in Him and just be patient, 

And put my life completely in His hands. 

Some days when my mom tells me 

That she’s sure I’m in the book of life 

I believe that I have faith. 

I believe that God is real and He is here 

Always. 

But then I find myself 

Shortly after 

Reverting back to exactly who I was 

Before I acted like I have faith. 

Reverting back to focusing on 

Getting boys to like me  

And gossiping about the girls I 

Love to hate 

And making plans to go drinking 

And partying and doing everything but 

Acting like I have faith. 

But I still say I have faith. 

I can’t even keep myself from being fearful that I’m not fearfully and wonderfully made 

Undermining Gods unlimited, unwavering 

Power 

When I’m truly undermining Gods unlimited and unwavering power by simply 

Being the opposite of who He fearfully and wonderfully created. 

And how can I 

Say that I have faith when I’m terrified 

Of my faith? 

How can I say that I love Jesus, when I’m begging Him to stay put? 

To remain in heaven, 

A place I very much want to go to but very much do not want to go to right now. 

Or in 10 years. 

Or 30 years. 

Or 100 years. 

And I’m praying for my pain and my fears and the intensity built up inside of me to vanish. 

But I have told God to vanish 

Every time I choose my self

And my desires 

And my life  

Over honoring His. 

And I say I have faith 

Some days when I tell satan to go away. 

To leave me alone, that I don’t care for what he has to say. 

But then I turn around and tell God that I know better than Him. 

And it’s my life 

When really I’m just the soul He chose to give life to a body created in His image 

To glorify Him. 

How do I manage to make that about myself? 

My faith is pathetic. 

And it always will be. 

But my God 

Breathes His breath into my lungs and He

Commands His light to shine through me 

Anyway. 

Because my God is the alpha and the omega, 

The beginning and the end, 

Of everything in between. 

And it is through Him, 

That my pathetic, 

failing 

faith, 

Is enough.