I've never been to prison

But you could ask my father if you wanted to know

If it was any better than the home he abandoned us in

And the walls that towered and stretched around me

Are not ones I ever thought I'd occupy

in school I was placed among cubicles of extraordinary people, and after being told that I wasn't one

I was put to work

Learning only how to exist, trying to just stay above water,

When all I wanted to do was live, hovering over the atmosphere.

But in the silence of my bedroom walls,

Where the toy boxes overflowed with Legos and baseball cards and my childhood collided with this thing called being a man,

I only learned to lie.

 

And I was taught that cheating is okay and addiction to porn is easier to find than you think

But I wouldn't dare touch a hot stove

Cause mama raised me a prophet.

 

My mind cluttered with tremendous tales everyone sees

Pressured to be the man everyone wants me to be

Today I'm a liar tomorrow I'm a saint 

Without these stories I wonder what they'd think.

Entrapped by 4 white walls

Suicide had never been ruled out

But my mothers hope kept me breathing.

It wasn't her fault she had to work

And it wasn't my fathers that I chose my throne

over the living room recliner.

What's fucked up is I can't blame him for leaving

I missed him and I couldn't even say it to his face 

My room still stands and in it I see depression, future alcoholism

And a few lonely cum stains

 

Education could save me but I won’t let it

When I said I hated you I meant it

But school keeps me sane

"Remember why you are here,” Mom would say

as if I wasn’t reminded of it everyday

My sisters dropped out because we couldn’t afford it

I don’t want your pity, I want a chance

To make things right

to repay my mother for her years of depression and plight

To show my father I am worth the trouble

to rebuild from the rubble, rambling

I am

 

But I fucking love writing

And I wrote this in hopes that you will give me free money

Why not be up front about it?

This took me hours to write and I sobbed through it

but it's here now

And I can only hope you find I am worth it, too