Battle With Destiny


"Somewhere between free will and determinism I found myself stagnate, in a metaphysical gridlock not knowing what direction to step in. Backbending, bending over backwards just to achieve societal recognition, I sang bullets into the night sky praying they’d somehow reach heaven and God would send them crashing down into my skin. I’ve burnt bridges and smoldered in the flames as they consumed everything I ever knew, screaming at me that I was not a phoenix and rebirth wasn’t in my destiny. I cried destiny, please wash over me like a blanket I once held, trembling as a child too afraid to get outta bed but too prideful to ask for help. I screamed destiny, manifest and take me into your arms as if I was your bastard child whom you loved more than yourself. Fill my world with passionate people not afraid to express themselves and I have a place among them. A black sheep in a pack of multicolored wolves, still unique, but an outcast like everyone else, make me a martyr. Break me apart and disperse me into the crowd as if I was the bread at communion, make my words explode like kamikaze soldiers and let love fill my space when I’m absent.  Please destiny allow my words to backflip and inspire damaged hearts and guilty souls, make ME a reminder that even the filthiest of men are forgiven. Weave my song into the fabric of the universe with neon threads so when the world is dark, we’ll sing light into the night sky. I’ll show it how to shine bright like a nebula, reflecting starlights in gas clouds, I’ll teach the world how to defy gravity by tying kite string to their dreams. Paint my picture on the ocean! A constant reminder that we are always changing, dissimilating and disembodied, I’ll show man that sometimes our reflections get shaky and sometimes we begin to look like the antithesis of what we wanted. I wanted to be the god of my life, but you, Destiny, showed me that there was already a God in my life.
Somewhere between free will and determinism I found myself stagnate, in a metaphysical gridlock not knowing what direction to step in so I stepped out. I inhaled then let the words roll off my tongue like lava, burning the me I had created and making space for new life to flourish. I started speaking up and not relying on others to speak for me, learned to savor the bitter taste of truth and revel in its purity, I became a child again. I stopped begging destiny to make me into someone I’m not and asked God to show me who I already am."


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